Just when I thought I had escaped Dad's death without having a relapse this one hit like a bus. We have been in Isleham stopping at one of the riverside lodges - a lovely tranquil location. However, when we went to see my Mum for the first time in a year I was so shocked - she was so much frailer than last year and could hardly walk down the hall with her stick. She has needed a hip replacement for some time but Dad stobbornly refused to go in to respite care so she was stuck at home looking after him and struggling to walk the dog.
Now Dad has died she can at last think of herself and get this surgery done. I was so angry with my Dad for selfishly putting her through so much pain and suffering and when I visited his grave I admit I shouted at him - didn't do any good but I felt better. Fortunately over the course of the two weeks we were there she did become a bit more mobile depending on the weather, but the damage was done. When I saw her struggling to walk it was like I was hit by a thunderbolt and I felt the tell tale tingling in my feet worsening. Now I can't feel my feet and yet again have had to leave the driving hom to my every suffering husband. When I sat in the driving seat my foot couldn't identify or feel the brake pedal so we thought being on a motorway was not a good idea!
So here I am in yet another relapse and the thought of the huge backlog of work waiting for me is certainly not helping - they have someone in to do the note summarising one afternoon a week but the rest just piles up until I get back to plough through it. The stress of that as well as keeping on top of the day to day stuff is just too much.
I have made a decision - I am leaving the job.
