Well it has finally happened - the momentous decision to no longer renew my registration with the Nursing and Midwifery Council when it is due in November, and officially call myself retired. It is breaking my heart to do so as it means that I can longer be employed in any capacity as a qualified Nurse.
I posted the following in a Facebook Group for Nurses, Doctors, Carers and interested parties - the group is called 'Who Cares' and is well worth a look if you are on Facebook - Amanda's story on there is heartbreaking. The response I have received to the post was incredible and restored my faith at least a little in some of the students currently training for the best Profession in the world.
Student Nurse Jenny Dec 1979
Letting Go
'I am posting this as I hope there are new Nurses that will carry the baton from here. I have made the decision to relinquish my NMC registration when it is due in November - not because I want to (far from it) but because no- one wants me as a Nurse now I have MS. My brain works and I have enough knowledge to function in many modern telemedicine roles, but because my body is not strong I am on the scrap heap.
I started my training in 1979 but I can still remember the names of the first deceased person I saw and laid out, the first birth I saw, the tragic man who was in so much pain he took his own life in the side room after consistently shutting the door to prevent us monitoring him, the baby that was so poorly he died so soon after birth that a doctor had to christen him as the priest couldn't get to SCBU in time (I cried then and was held up by the Sister as a true nurse - one who had a capacity to care and be seen to have feelings and not like my colleague who kept a stiff upper lip and refused to cry). The teenage Mum in labour who had been disowned by her parents and boyfriend who I stayed with after my shift to hold her hand until after many hours it was decided to perform a C-Section and I was sent home. She put me down in her baby's book as 'my favourite nurse'. All this happened during my training ( I even remember all their names) and shaped me as a person as well as a Nurse. Never being able to have children, a Nurse was who I was and the only thing I was any good at and I will now have a huge void in my life - I have been clinging on by my fingertips, and the depression I now suffer at having to let go will take a while to get over but after 25 years (on and off) of being in the most wonderful and fulfilling career maybe I have touched enough lives to be able to move on now. I hope there is another outlet for my empathy and compassion. God Bless all of you just starting out - I hope that, like me you find it more than 'just a job'.
Sister Jenny 2008
