©Jenny Harrod 2019

Still can't find my feet..

Well, here I am again still in relapse and if anything with even worse symptoms. This is the first bad relapse I have had since my diagnosis in 2003 and is following the same sequence of symptoms (except my fingers and hands/arms are not currently any worse than normal)

I am still wearing the wrong trousers, i.e the MS ones, Both legs have extremely odd sensations, hot/cold/tingling and try to fool me by lying about their real locations (e.g crushed up against furniture) My feet hurt so much at times that I am in tears. True I can still walk but with the increasing sensation of having shoes with inner soles made of sandpaper it is not pleasant, and my balance is appalling. I daren't go out anywhere without my hiking pole which as I am so tall I find more effective than a stick. Fortunately we had the forethought to move to a bungalow so there are no stairs to manoeuvre and plenty of walls to hold on to.

We went to the local high street today as I craved some fresh air and we needed a few bits from the supermarket. Hubby had to drive again as obviously with reduced sensations in my feet driving is not advisable plus the overwhelming fatigue would make it dangerous. There is a new spanner in the works again now too. I had hoped that this time it was only going to affect my lower limbs and abdomen, but no.. yet again my vision is affected. My left eye has always had a slight blur on it for distance vision which glasses correct and there is a washing out of colours like orange and red in that eye too. Today though, just sitting and watching TV in the lounge I became aware that my right eye was also blurring and Alan Titchmarsh was fading out of view. I now can't read any but the largest TV print (although mid vision and close up such as books, magazines and thankfully the computer screen seem to be OK with both eyes) I really hope this is just part of the relapse as to lose my eyesight and ability to have the independence of driving permanently is almost too much to bear.

To make things even worse the Government seem intent on making life in this country unbearable. I am not too proud to admit I am entitled to and claim benefits. I also struggle to work just 15 hours a week, because I want to and it gives me a sense of purpose. I trained as a Nurse at great expense and want to give something back even if I am limited by this disability. I am doing nothing illegal and before I was ill paid into the system (and still do!) but expect that like many people in a similar situation stand a chance that these benefits will be taken away, leaving hubby and I in a vulnerable situation at  time when we need support and care. It is all too easy to brand anyone on benefits as a "scrounger" without seeing the bigger picture. It appears that the current Prime Monster and his Sweeney Todd Chancellor have never lived in the real world, and place the blame of a GLOBAL banking crisis squarely at the door of the previous Government, who were in fact just starting to ease us out of recession.

So, here I am once again tucked up in bed with the laptop, writing my blogs and playing computer games to distract me from the pains in my legs and feet. I have an appointment with my GP on Friday afternoon who will prescribe me the sliding scale to come off the high dose steroids (I am controlling my diabetes quite well fortunately) I am presuming as I can't drive that he will sign me off work for at least another week, this idea is backed up by my MS Nurse Elaine, who says not to try and rush back to work but rest up and keep taking the tablets.............

 

 

 

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