QUOTE OF THE DAY
Well, that's that then. I got the phone call today and it seems my confidence was unfounded. I didn't get the job after all. I was OK initially but later burst into tears at the thought of my body letting me down yet again. I know I will bounce back again but when everytime I try to do something positive, I get kicked in the teeth. I couldn't be a mother, (the news of which devastated me at the age of 16) due to a gynae problem (no not even IVF could help and surrogacy wasn't acceptable then) so I decided to go into Nursing. I did my training and became an SRN working nights as a senior Staff Nurse on a Respiratory unit. When the Sisters post came up I applied for it, but it was given to an "outsider" despite being a specialist unit with Iron Lungs and cuirasses. From there I moved to Community Nursing and did my training to be a District Nursing Sister. I had just passed and got my qualification as a DN Cert, when fate struck a bitter blow. I was caring for an elderly lady after a stroke - she was on the edge of the bed and likely to fall out, so I had to lift her on my own, there was a searing pain, just like a sharp knife being thrust into my buttock and dragged down my leg. My back had gone. Her husband had recently had a heart attack and couldn't have helped me, - so I said I had to write up her notes and I sat on her bed and composed myself. I went out to my car and once I had gingerely settled behind the wheel burst into tearS. I knew this was serious. I had 12 months off sick and 3 weeks in hospital. Eventually I was forced into ill health retirement - I was just 29 years old!
The silver lining to the cloud was, that since the age of 14, I was a volunteer for the British Red Cross, and I had extensively trained in First Aid, attending duties at Newmarket Races. Being a qualified SRN I was often the Senior Officer/Nursing Officer in charge of the duty. My own GP Practice often covered the event too, and having just seen one of the GP's for a repeat prescription, I was pursued up the road by another one of the partners - who stopped me and asked me if I wanted a job as a Practice Nurse! The post was only 12 hours a week and they obviously knew my medical history meant I couldn't do any heavy lifting. It was ideal, just 3 afternoons a week and I really enjoyed it.
I left there when I met my mr wonderful and moved in with him, the travelling made the job untenable and I had several years of being content to be a lady of leisure. Before once again getting the "calling" back to being a Nurse. Things had changed though and I had to do a "Return to Nursing" training course at the West Suffolk Hospital (where I did my SRN training). This time the training was much harder academically and I had to do an assignment to obtain 20 points at (Diploma) level 2. I did this, although I struggled, and did my practical shifts on the Coronary Care unit and Cardiology ward. Once I finished the course I signed up for the Bank but disaster struck again. I prefered night duty but after one shift when we we extremely busy and understaffed, my back ached so badly and I felt disillusioned that the NHS was in severe decline - I couldn't give the care to the standards I had wanted to, and patients deserved better. I didn't go back there as a Bank Nurse.
After a few months, I thought about being an Agency Nurse again. I did a few shifts when I was working nights as a Staff Nurse. The work was flexible and I could chose the hours and institutions according to my abilities. I contacted an Agency and explained my back problem meant I couldn't do heavy physical tasks. They were pleased to have me and I found myself working in a variety of settings from Psychiatric Day Hospitals, a Prison, a School, Hospitals and a Nursing Home. I was left in sole charge of a floor at a Sue Ryder Care Home regularly (weekends which paid higher rates) and was the key holder meaning I did the drug rounds, sometimes on several floors. I was useful again.
From the Agency, I was lucky enough to get another Practice Nurse post nearer to home, This was also 12 hours a week and I was responsible for the Coronary Heart Disease Register as well as running General clinics. This was good for 2 years until in 2003 I sufferered some strange sensory symptoms in my hands and feet. I had a creeping paralysis from my toes up into my legs and was hospitalised - the fear was I was developing Guillan Barre Syndrome. A series of tests revealed this wasn't the case, and after a week of IV Steroids and being unable to walk I got the use of my legs back and was discharged with the diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. Another jolt to the career.
My Employers were incredible. I was moved sideways into a newly created post - Clinical Quality Manager. The Government had introduced new targets for all Practices to achieve in a number of clinical areas and as this was more administrative than physical, I was asked if I would like to develop the role. It was ideal, I called in patients to see relevant Practitioners, have blood tests and also kept control of the Heart Patients. For three years we continually met almost all the clinical targets and for the last two years all the areas I was responsible for reached the 100% required. Only asthma and diabetes were a few percent short and they were controlled by Nurse Practitioner Specialists. I also produced a Smoking cessation Strategy which led to the Medical Centre being awarded Best Practice status. I was useful and appreciated again!
Sadly then, my Auntie died - she was also childless, so we shared an empathy and always sent each other Mothers Day cards. People who take being Mothers for granted can never realise the pain that being barren and childless can cause. True, some people chose to be childless, and others perhaps should, but for some that choice is cruelly taken away and the love we would have given our own children had to be projected elsewhere. Nephews and Nieces helped me through some of the worst times and I hope I helped to shape their lives. They are teenagers now and rarely spare a thought for me - sadly my own sisters attitude to trying to make her own daughter "get rid of a pregnancy" (she didn't, I gave her some money and she moved in with her boyfriend so I am a Great Auntie!) has forced a wedge between us, she could never have been a Nurse (and probably would have found coping with being childless much easier too!)
Anyway, My wonderful Auntie left me some money and we paid off our mortgage - I had also received a substantial amount in underpaid benefit which helped. Hubby and I had always planned to move here to the Isle of Wight one day and without crushing debt we decided to go for it. So in October 2008 we did it and here we are.
After 6 months I thought it would be nice to integrate into the Community by applying for a job, which is how I find myself here now in tears and feeling rejected and on the Nursing Scrapheap. To stay on the Nursing Register now you have to work so many hours and provide evidence of updating knowledge. The updating is OK, I can do that online but I need to be able to do some Practical/Admin Nursing to maintain my Registration. Any ideas? maybe it's time to consider an Agency again?
